All You Need Is Now

I've loved Duran Duran since I was a very young girl back in...well, let's just say we were all a lot younger. Some of my dearest friends were babies. Or not born. Whatever. I saw them in concert for the third time the other night and WOW. They still rock. Every time I hear and see something new.
This time, I felt their song, All You Need Is Now, was yet another sign pointing in that direction that everything else seems to be: BE PRESENT. Be in the moment. BE. Now is what matters. In art and in life. Love the past for what it was, plan for the future, but be here now. The universal message. Brilliant.

Saving the World

So...I'm reading this book called The Drama of the Gifted Child. An acting teacher recommended for me after only a few classes and at first I thought, "wow, she thinks I'm gifted?" being the vain person that I am. There's...um...a bit more to it than that. In a nutshell, what it seems to be saying so far is that the more your parents left YOU to parent THEM, being unavailable to parent you properly for whatever reason, the more you become inclined to neglect your own feelings and issues and become a kind of super-person-in-denial to try to get attention and save others. In other words, you become a psychologist. Or an actor. And probably a parent doing the same thing to your own kids unless you get some serious help.

Now, I'm not going to go into great detail or anything here, but let's just say a good portion of this book has resonated with me so far. Apologies to my son...working on it, baby. Fortunately, he's very forgiving.

So am I dead set on saving the world? Not so much. I realized long ago that I cannot take on every cause. It overwhelms me and I'll just end up in bed hiding under the covers and doing no good for anyone. Being raised by hippies will do that. (Save the whales! The trees! The tin foil! The plastic bags! The rainforest! AAARRGHH!!! I throw recyclables away on purpose sometimes just because I can. Sorry, Mom.)

My causes had to be chosen by my own life experience. Early on, when I began to develop my own chosen family and community, I discovered that fighting for LGBT equality was crucial to my world, my peace of mind and my own safety, security and future as well as that of the people I loved. Been fighting that fight against anyone I needed to, from playground bullies to police officers, since I was 14. Proud to do so. 

And then came my son. He gave me another cause...education regarding autism and, more specifically, Fragile X Syndrome. I could do more here - and I will. It's harder - and even more personal. There are no huge, flashy parades. But maybe there should be.

I think these causes are a big part of the reason I want to be a success in the arts. People with recognizable names can make a difference. It's just the nature of our society. I may never be a Susan Sarandon or Angelina Jolie, but if I COULD fund a parade or walk or something to raise money for Fragile X awareness and research...heck yeah. That would make it all worth it. And I think my son would be ok with the whole "need to save the world" thing. 

American Zombies is LIVE! (Well...lots of them are dead. You know what I mean.)

Episode One is UP! And wow, does it have a bite.

Check it out and please subscribe. (You can hear me just a bit at the beginning of the third teaser, BiteSize, but probably won't see me until Episode Three or so.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53sQXDiuxOY

Enjoy!

More Zombie Previews!

Episode One of American Zombies hits the Box O' Markers YouTube channel on July 25th. I can't wait! Until then, check out this great trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1viZYypyQQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

If you listen closely, you may hear a familiar voice reporting zombie attack statistics in the beginning. Whoo hoo! The Zombies are coming!!!

Hey me! Get out of my way!

Fear. It's all about fear. Fear gets in the way of everything we try to do! When you're scared, your throat closes, your hands shake, your mind blanks, you go deaf to what's going on around you...or is that just me? I doubt that but I've had plenty of those experiences. I remember one of the worst, most terrifying moments of my life was when I was just over 7 months pregnant and went in for a routine checkup only to be told I had pre-term labor symptoms and would need to be hospitalized immediately. What!?! A little back pain and I'm in a hospital bed for how long!?! THAT is fear, baby. And I went dark. I remember almost nothing from the moment of being told...until about three days later. Very surreal. I was coherent, I called work, I arranged for coverage and got my FMLA handled. And I don't remember a darn thing. Baby and I both came through all that just fine by the way. He's 9 years old now and making a mess of the house while I type this.
So how is fear messing with me now? In smaller, but significant ways. When fear has control, acting - good acting - cant happen. The focus is on the fear. The fear of looking stupid or ugly or, god forbid, FAT or OLD! The fear of forgetting lines, using up too many takes to get a scene right, pissing off someone on a set, not being able to get home for that 9-year-old because you are still doing that same same scene over and over. The anxiety rises, the concentration lapses, the TRUTH fades.
I'm working on learning techniques to deal with those fears. "Letting go of the shit" to paraphrase from Jim Jarrett. (Look him up, he's awesome.) Learning these techniques in a nurturing, supportive environment seems absolutely essential to me. Why dig up more fears and angst for the sake of emotional rawness if it just makes you choke?
Look, fear. You may be helpful to keep us out of danger in some instances, but you're kind of a pain in the ass. Get out of the way!